Cats
Babs
Johnson
AKA Princess Perfect
Babs is fabled to have been found behind a bakery in Arvada, CO. She is a pandemic baby and still judges you if you’e not wearing a mask. She has a more impressive vocal range than Mariah Carey and is more graceful than Maury Povich. Babs is known to:
boop dogs
pee in robots
appreciate a good routine
hide in the most impossible-to-find places
sleep on humans with both her arms outstretched
follow all the rules
Maplethorpe
“Difficile”
AKA Meatball Throat
More of a cow than a gentleman. Some say he was born in Hell, others say he was just born of parents who created Hell—either way, Maplethorpe has the heart of a rebel. He was born in Pampa, TX in a puddle. Some of his hobbies include:
chewing on random pieces of plastic
harassing dogs
licking the blanket
perfecting his high jump (over fences and into trees)
going to extremes to try “people food”
snuggling at just the right moment to help you forget his evil ways
Norman
THE Schmoo
AKA RIP
The Schmoo that started it all. You’d say he “taught the kids everything they know.” He’d say that too, with a few swats to your face for good measure. Norman was a true original and also kind of a jerk, but in all the best ways. The “mysterious circumstances” surrounding his previous owners’ death still remain unresolved. Aside from his ultimate “Daddy” status, Norman was know for:
a perfect pink nose and beans
executing calculated attacks using his murder mittens
being non-binary
voting for the wrong side of history
his excessive fascination with string
street warfare
…they long to be
CLOSE
TO YOU
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